How I Found My Goddess, Tonantzin
When I was young I began to develop a close relationship with the local fertility goddess. Initially I was confused as to why people who attended Native American Church ceremonies would want anything to do with Christian iconography when I saw the Virgen de Guadalupe represented repeatedly in and around the tipi grounds. What I didn’t know then is that the story of this Goddess is the story of this land that I live on, and she is the land.
The indigenous people of northern Mexico and into what is now south Texas have worshiped her since before colonial times. Tonanzin, as we once knew her and know her again today, is the combination of a number of goddesses recognized throughout Mexico’s long history and heritage. The Aztecs had a lost syncretism that modern scholars haven’t been able to quite understand. She is one goddess but is also many goddesses. Tetéoinan was the mother of all the goddesses and she was also called Tocitzin. She was the protector of midwives and called ‘Our Grandmother.” She was also Cihuacóatl (Snake Woman) and was a protector of women, often depicted as a fierce skull-faced old woman carrying a warrior’s spear and shield. She was also Coatlicue, an earth mother goddess who gave birth to the moon and stars, a fearsome goddess of life and death clothed in snakes wearing a strand of human skulls and hearts around her neck. She was all of these divine entities and also all her own.
Tonantzin was later whitewashed by the Spanish Catholics who settled what is now Mexico and venerated as the Virgen de Guadalupe. She was remade to reflect the Mestizo heritage of the people under Spanish colonial rule and was an acceptable outlet for the tradition of fertility goddess worship. The Virgen’s Basilica is even built at Tepeyac Hill, the same place where the temple of adoration to Tonantzin was torn down by Spanish colonialists. Devotion to her isn’t rare in my hometown all these many generations later; it’s hyper visible almost everywhere I go. There are vividly colored murals splayed across the sides of tire shops, bathtub shrines set in countless front yards across the city, and more tattoos of her than there are needles in a 100 mile radius, and more people are starting to learn her true history.
Once I understood that Tonantzin was the ancient ruler of this place, protector of women, intrinsically linked to the people and history of this city I’ve grown up in, there grew a calling to know her. I call her by the name she was known as before colonization, because that’s how she was introduced to me. I venerate her as the Mestizo embodiment of the goddess, though I acknowledge she contains multitudes. I don’t know that her ancient embodiment, this fearsome and powerful collection of Mexica goddesses, would be happy to hear from my Caucasian self after what white Spaniards who came to this land did to them and their people, but the relationship I have built with her current iteration is meaningful to me and started well over 20 years ago. I have worshiped her for all these years because she is precious to me, is in every flower and tree I see, and she has held me in her hands every day of my life and protected me as a mother does her child. I can’t and wouldn’t take it all back. However, I am not sure I would have made the same decision at this moment in time, knowing all I do now about the violence surrounding her history, if we were beginning this journey today. When I consider that bloody and brutal history, the whitewashing of this divine femme, what I know now about cultural appropriation, and what I’ve uncovered in tracing my family history, my mind runs to a different place than it did as a young woman.
If you’re unsure about what deity to work with, you can take some time to think on it, open yourself to guidance, and do more research. A good place to start is by reading the mythologies of your own ancestors and finding out what deities are already looking out for you. Continue to learn by seeking out stories from other mythologies that resonate with you and look for connections. Many of these deities embody one another, were born from the same stories or places, or are ancient traditions wrapped in a new story.
Look at your astrological chart to see if there is any prevalent energy; astrology is heavily tied to myth and grounded in elemental forces. For instance, my Sidereal chart has a very heavy Venusian presence and I’ve devoted over half my life to goddess worship, and I celebrate her feast day every December 12th.
As Mercury sits on my North Node, I also pay him respects and give him offerings and keep his altar. His feast day, Mercurius, is every May 15th.
